i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
