Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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