But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
