Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
