definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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