i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
