I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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