i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
