I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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