Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
