We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
