Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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