College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
