You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
