Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
