I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
