Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
