no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
