how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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