just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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