your parents love me but you hate me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
