maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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