what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
