i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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