yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
