The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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