Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
