I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
