there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
