mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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