The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
