Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
