Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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