dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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