I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
