Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
