we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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