You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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