i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
