He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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