Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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