How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
