I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
