if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
