You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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