No stitches, just platelets and will power
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
