I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
