I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
