are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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