I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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