I can text with my tongue
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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