there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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