We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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