don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
