and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
