I think I died a long time ago.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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