Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
