you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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