He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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