quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Never underestimate the power of titties
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
