we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize