I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
