my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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