I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize