I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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