perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
