your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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