don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
