and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
